Oorgo

re-interest

Why did I start down this musicians path? Who knows, perhaps I thought of grandiose things, of fame and fortune, of amazing technical prowess and soulful melodies that made the girls cry. Maybe it was for less grandiose reasons, maybe I thought I'd get the hot girl and end up driving a vette with Charlie Parker blaring, or a cd of my own making.

People used to ask me this at least once a month or more when I was young, "Why do you do this? You won't make any money, it isn't even popular music you're playing, what is this Jazz shit anyways?". Being the rebellious and often obstinate post-teen that I was I made it my purpose to do it for the music, for the music, man, it's because it makes me feel. It made me different is more like it, something other than the average guy in a suit and tie, working an average job and (in my mind anyways) hating every minute of it. This was primarily because of course I hated every job I had, they weren't musical and therefore I was in constant post-teen torture. The angst of the musician.

I became so caught up in being a musician I could barely carry on a conversation with non-musicians. I didn't know small talk (other than about music), I didn't give a shit about sports or whatever tv show that was on at the time. Somehow that changed. When that point was, I don't exactly know. Maybe it was when we bought our house, moved out of downtown (where the action is) and my world started revolving more around keeping the house by working at jobs and making money. The man snuck into my life and forced me to bow to his will, I could no longer "stick it" to him.

At least 8 years have gone by since I became thoroughly enslaved to the wage. Stuff has happened, we got married, lost a child, had a child, and another is on the way, and now I think to myself "Wait! What the hell happened here?". Somehow I jumped from 28 to 36, I still look like I'm 26 at the oldest, and dress like I'm 21 but my jazz career has all but disappeared, I'm no longer avidly practicing 2 hrs a day, I'm no longer transcribing solos, and writing music and obsessing over new cds. Sure I play in bar bands here and there, and that's fun a good portion of the time, but what the hell.

Re-interest is the name of this post because in the past month there's been just that, every night I don't even think about playing games on my computer in my free time, or watching tv. Instead I've been pulling out the old trumpet solo books from greats like Woody Shaw to go over and hack cack splat my way through re-learning them. It's kind of exciting though, because even though my jazz chops fell by the wayside my trumpet chops have excelled. All that latin music high note playing must be good for something after all. I've also pulled out old Jamey Aebersold playalong cds to work on my licks, going back to the start, almost relearning what I once knew.

I remember talking in a previous post about this being my mid-life crisis, maybe it is or maybe it isn't. Maybe I've been given a gift of youthful appearance so that these past 9 or 10 years of strain and stress won't keep me from doing what I want to do? I don't know, maybe it's the 12:30 am talking. Speaking of that, I have to work tomorrow and I gig tomorrow night so.. yeah. This post (such as it is) ends here.

If you didn't notice

Not a hell of a lot is going on these days in my life. Here are a couple things of interest though:

Sunday I was allowed blessed sleep after Saturdays gig, my wife and kid went to IKEA with her cousin for a few hours. I got up at 12:30, drank a pot of coffee, listened to wacky Steve Lacy and Steve Turre jazz. Vespers (Steve Lacy) is such an odd cd, beautiful but creepy and unsettling, with lyrics from Bulgarian poet Blaga Dimitrova. Stuff like "I do not believe" and "Multidimensional" I'm sure have changed me, as they keep coming into my mind now and then. Rhythm Within (Steve Turre) is great, groovy latin/african jazz mixed with insanely good musicians.

After the caffeine took effect (some 2 hours later) I had enough reminiscing and decided to go out and work in the yard. Of course it was at that time they came home and my work was delayed. That's ok though, I love playing with Xavier, although he's a bit of a whiny brat when he's been around his cousins very much, they are not a good influence. Once he went for his nap I was able to go work, and after he woke up he came and helped me shovel topsoil, which was pretty cute.

Any day now (hopefully) my TMCM t-shirt will be in the mail. I'm pretty excited, and glad to help out a talented comic guy such as Shannon.

Oh and hey, check it out Sitemeter is at a creepy evile number Why is it that Blogpatrol has already lagged behind by 36 visitors even after I evened them out a few days ago?

1d8

No use trying to fight it, you're an eight-sided die, a d8. A fine example of simple elegance, the d8 is one of the least appreciated types of dice, and is often neglected. You are known to be quiet and shy, outward traits that conceal viscous sarcasm and mean wit. You are very smart, yet wise enough to hide your intelligence the quicker they found out how smart you are, the sooner they'll put you to work, which is something you can do without. People call you dark and pessimistic, or moody and cynical. You find little point in arguing.

Take the quiz at dicepool.com

Lunch time killed my brain

What in $@#$ing hell is it with business people at lunch time? Do they suddenly forget all the rules of the road, and think they are fully entitled because they're in a hurry? Are they so self-obsessed that they can't even check their mirrors before backing out of a parking lot space or come to a stop at a $@($ing stop sign?

Today at lunch I was at the local Superstore, walking back to my car, and almost backed straight over by a bitch in a minivan. She turned the key and jammed it into reverse without even checking a mirror, I just happened to be right in the middle behind her minivan, in plain view of the rear view mirror. I leaped out of the way to save my legs and sternum, and I yelled a couple of obscenities at her all the while glaring. Come on, these are traffic @($#ing basics, people!

On the way out of the parking lot I'm driving down the road, a woman is approaching in a dodge boogie van (or whatever those 70's vans are called), I was a little concerned she wasn't going to stop, and sure enough she just stopped in time NOT to hit my car. Again, traffic basics being broken just because self-obsessed business morons are trying to hurry back to the office. Probably a good chance they also had a 2 drink lunch and a quickie so they are really running late. Maybe they think automotive homicide or a car accident makes a good late excuse.

X-man is Excited

Xavier is excited, very excited, that we're having another baby. Every day he says "I love you baby" or "I want to kiss baby" to mommy, he's pretty sure it's a baby girl.

He also has been thinking a lot about baby and what he/she can or cannot do:

Xavier: Baby can play with trucks right mommy?
Mommy: Yes, baby can play with trucks. (these are the big dumptrucks etc. by Little People).


Xavier: (Pointing at mommy's stomach) That's not all Mommy's tummy.
Mommy: No, you're right, that's not all Mommy's tummy.

Xavier: Baby can't have emems right mommy?
Mommy: No, Baby can't have M&Ms, that's right. (of course, he wants all the M&Ms)

(Mommy just coming out of the shower)
Xavier: Baby in there? (squats down to look, hoping he can see baby)
Mommy: Yes, baby in there but you can't see baby. (trying hard not to die laughing)

Crack snap crunch

Yesterday was my chiro visit, and after much crunching popping cracking sounds and some pain he basically insinuated that I should have came to him a lot earlier as my neck is pretty f$#@ed up. These are the things that I like to hear: "when these things are inflamed for long periods of time, if not properly monitored can turn into arthritis", and "It looks like some of the segments haven't moved in quite a long time". F#$@, yippity doodle doo.

Oh the wonders of the mid-thirties.

So in other words it looks like I'm going to be visiting him regularly for quite a while. On the bright side the remainder billing (after AHC) is paid for by my companies insurance plan, so I don't have to go into debt yet.

Release

You know, after re-reading that last post you would think the world was ending. It's not, in fact my part of the world was bright and sunny all weekend. I took the opportunity to get some long awaited yardwork done and I had a couple gigs, friday and saturday on top of it.

My father-in-law (I guess you would call him stepfather-in-law) was gracious in loading up his half tonne with topsoil Saturday morning. Although groggy and with poorly veiled crabbiness I and he shovelled the dirt into a wheelbarrow after wheelbarrow that I then wheeled around to dump onto several locations of our yard. After more coffee and some lunch I put the kid to bed and went out to rake... yippee, and then later mow.. woohoo. Later was the much required rubdown with Celadin (I think that's what it's called), and today is my next Chiropractor appointment, thank God.

So even though I worked my ass off and I'm a hurtin' unit (wow, that's an 80's saying), my spirits seems to have lifted. Some of the stuff I have been putting off for a long time has become mostly accomplished, and there actually may be an end in sight to the final grade drama. We'll see though, as I though I had it finished years ago, but every year they find something else that isn't up to code. I'm noticeably more relaxed and happy, I even went to a mall on Sunday and wasn't ready to stab someone by the time we left.

Dread

Do you jump for joy when good things happen? Do you tend to relax when things start going your way? When things you hoped for happen, do you say "Wow that's great for, I'm so happy"? Well I don't.

As far back as I can remember when good things happen to me, when I'm in the black or come upon some winnings if I feel happy it's only temporary and it's soon replaced with an all too familiar feeling of dread. Dread, that's right, dread. Worry and anticipation of the accompanying bad that always comes with the good. The resulting hammer that falls whenever anything good happens, evening the score.

I don't know how this ever came about, I don't think I can control it, and I really wonder if it's just from life experiences that I react this way, or from a family that was always scrimping and saving, never expecting the great things because they never came. I remember in grade 9 when I got my student model Yamaha for Christmas, I felt thankful sure, but I also felt guilty, as if I didn't deserve it, and how could they afford this. Dreading the auxiliary expectations that they may have now that I own my own, perhaps expecting me to be a marvel. Guilt because I didn't feel the way I was supposed to be feeling and as happy as I should have been happy.

Recently things have been better, bills are getting paid, I'm very busy musically and there's all sorts of things opening up for me. Once again though, this week has been one of the worst I've had in ages, it's been constant. I don't sleep as well as I should, I don't want to go to bed because I feel like I can't and I've been restless at work and having difficulty concentrating.

Part of this is that there are all sorts of choices I foresee myself having to make, a couple of hard decisions that I don't want to, and a lessening of any free time that I thought I had. A part of this is the fact there are more gigs, many at a new place that seems great with all sorts of promise. Once again though I've heard all of this before, and my hopes can no longer be brought up by simple promises.

Another part of the problem is our yard, we've been working on getting it up to final grade status for too too long, and I've been attempting all summer to get something done on it. Nothing so far, nothing. Every F#$@ing weekend it rains, or I can't because I'm too busy or something else. It's driving me insane.

One last factor may be the fact that we're expecting come the end of November, so that day gets closer, and the thought of that added to the current load scares me. They say one kid is fun, but 2 is a family, and changes everything. I pray that we can take it.

The only solution I can see is wait, but I hate waiting, and hope, but I'm really bad at that. My mother told me a few years ago that good things WILL happen to us some day, they did when we had our son that's for sure, and my current job is great (for a job :)). Maybe she's right, maybe that's what I have to do, push aside the dread and enjoy the present. That's a hard task.

Oddly accurate

You Are 21 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

Stick it up yer...

So remember a while back when a Romanian Woman hid a stolen cellphone in her vagina? Well if that wasn't bizarre enough, apparently another Romanian woman had a cellphone up her ass.

SO once again the question is asked, "What do you do with a cellphone once it's been up yer ass?". Was she going to use it? Sell it? Who wants a phone that smells like ass?

Uninspired

I am less than uninspired these days, and not just about blogging, but about most things. Here's an example: I actually spent the last 2 nights watching sitcoms with my wife instead of practicing/playing games/ etc. SITCOMS I tells ya.

frig

Next thing you know I'll be watching sports matches and swearing at the players for stupid moves.

Oh and by the way

Happy Birthday Ted.

We sometimes rarely agree (figure that one out), but it's usually a fun exchange of words.

Never leave your desk again!

In celebration of the # or comments surpassing the # of posts, I'm showing you the greatest invention since sliced banana nut loaf.

A Laboured post

Ok so that's probably the cheesiest title I've chosen so far for a post, but whatever, I never said I was a creative genius.

So my weekend was pretty uneventful, or at least half of it was. Saturday we had a nice break, the mother-in-law took X-man for the day, along with Ambers 3 nephews they went to Galaxyland and rode rides, etc. apparently a lot of fun, I'm just glad I wasn't there. 4 screaming kids and screaming rides, and blaring music, and the smells of indoor carnaval... yech. We took the opportunity to finish cleaning the carpets in the upstairs, it's amazing how much difference it can make when you do that every once in awhile, it smells so much fresher and relaxing.

Sunday night I washed a couple loads of laundry, the first had a little pillow from the couch plus some other stuff to wash in cold water, etc. The second load I threw in had all my darks for the week, all of them. I went into the computer room downstairs to do stuff... and things... and after awhile noticed that the washer sounded weird, it was speeding up to try and spin, but then clicking and restarting another attempt to get up to speed, "oh fuddle duddle" I said (yeah sure) and went to investigate. It seemed that it hadn't pumped out the water from the wash portion of the session, and it was failing at pumping out during the spin too. Great, just great. So I pull probably 75 lbs of laundry (of course soaking wet) out of the washer, and run it to the bathtub (luckily the floor isn't finished so there's no carpet to soak downstairs).

Monday my wife decides to call my parents, I talk to my Dad about it and he says it's probably not worth fixing if it's to do with the motor/agitator etc., BUT that they would buy us a new washer! Wicked! Great! Monday night we went over to the mother-in-laws to wash clothes etc., got home about midnight.

Tuesday I thought that I better open up the machine to make sure it's not something stupid like a plugged hose or that, I would hate to make my parents shovel out $500+ if there really's nothing wrong. My friend Dan (who I'd link to, but he doesn't have a blog anymore) found a great site Acme How To that gives you detailed instructions on how to take the cabinet apart and other things. I got the thing apart, pulled out the pump, looked at it and there was some polyester jamming up the motor, pulled off the shield and the jam, put it all back together, cabinet back on, hooked up the hoses, pushed it back into place. I'm all like "Yeah! Yeah! No cost, I fixed it, alright, I'm the man, I rock, kick ass!" and then I see the drain pump hose, I bend it to go into the drain, and SNAP the F@#$ing thing breaks! On the lighter side this new hose is only $17 whereas the pump was $150.

Initial response

http://www.bradblog.com/archives/00001782.htm

Read the WHOLE post before you start ranting about how callouse and inhumane this guy is. Read the bit about the policies and lack of funding that didn't support upkeep to the levee and emergency procedures around SE Louisiana.
Don't just quote what you think the bad points are and rant about them out of context.

Just yesterday I heard on the news that Canada was going to be producing more oil to compensate for the Gulf crisis, and that the government was requesting that we conserve gas to compensate. You know what MY initial response was ? Hell no, why should we do that when they almost decimated our cattle industry and tariffed the hell out of our softwood lumber industry? Yeah! Why?

I later came to the realization of how petty my response was, and how it was looking at the smaller picture, not the larger one. North America is one continent and the gas & oil industry is linked closely from sea to sea.

If you cut the 2nd paragraph out of this post, pasted it into your own and ranted about how I was an American hater, and this and that and liberal and inhumane, you would be wrong. People have reactions to things that are not always logical or honorable, or humanistic. It's not their first reaction, but how they act on these feelings that makes them a good or bad person. We're a complicated bunch.

[Update] Oh, and now I just heard that the Superdome has been emptied, thank God. A sky full of helicopters and a fleet of buses. Just like the Cavalry no? Oh wait, the Cavalry came in the nick of time.

Less is more or more or less?

Ok as promised... here are a couple of pictures... with and without beard.

Here's me playing with beard

Click this

Here's me playing with no beard... just goatee and really short hair

Now click this

This may be a better one

Oh, and there's that pick on the right of me w/ X-man and my beard... dunno... I know I can't wait for my hair to grow out.

Good F#$*ing God, is this turning into a Hair Blog ... F#$(! I even have the f@$*ing ads to go along with it (Hair Nets, only 2 pills a day, etc.)

Oh by the way the popups seem to look like shit in IE so get on the bandwagon and switch to Firefox ..... bitch

Delayed response to the damage

I've been putting off posting anything about the New Orleans and Katrina hurricane disaster, but I decided to say a couple things.

It overwhelms me the madness, chaos, death and suffering that this act of nature has caused, and I cannot imagine how the folks down there feel or how they are coping with it. I can only offer my hopes and prayers that things will turn out better , much better, and very very soon.

On one side I feel humbled and small next to the power that created the destruction, we humans are mere gnats buzzing around a stagnant pond, one big gust comes up and we're blown away. Gnats are tough to wipe out though, although their lives are short every year they come back in force. Humanity is tough, we come back, and we stick around.

On the other side it seems from my perspective (albeit limited) that the disaster efforts for the big tsunami that recently hit were more well organized, funded and quicker in execution. The supposed richest country in the world hit once again unprepared and naive. Much like the villagers in the story "The Little Boy who cried Wolf", there were those who had heard the warnings so many times before about annihilation, and after living through it figured they could once again weather the storm. I often think the US gov'ts delayed response to action was also linked to them being taken completely by surprise by the magnitude of the disaster. It angers me somewhat that once again the US gov't is blindsided by disaster.

Anyways, I came across a great link to FEMA from The Accordion Guys blog, it suggests sending money, not items, and it gives a good list of US volunteer agencies for Disaster Relief. I can't decide where to send money, but the Canadian Red Cross seems like a good place to start. I have very little to give, as you all might know, but every little bit helps.

[update] Looks like the online donation must be mega busy for Canadian Red Cross, perhaps 2 am would be a good time to try.

Of all the cities in all the world..

As seen on Jenlars.mu.nu

Humphrey Bogart You scored 28% Tough, 9% Roguish, 38% Friendly, and 19% Charming!

You're the original man of honor, rough and tough but willing to stick your neck out when you need to, despite what you might say to the contrary. You're a complex character full of spit and vinegar, but with a soft heart and a tender streak that you try to hide. There's usually a complicated dame in the picture, someone who sees the real you behind all the tough talk and can dish it out as well as you can. You're not easy to get next to, but when you find the right partner, you're caring and loyal to a fault. A big fault. But you take it on the chin and move on, nursing your pain inside and maintaining your armor...until the next dame walks in. Or possibly the same dame, and of all the gin joints in all the world, it had to be yours. Co-stars include Ingrid Bergman and Lauren Bacall, hot chicks with problems. Find out what kind of classic dame you'd make by taking the Classic Dames Test.