Oorgo

Evan and donuts

So the other day Xavier and Mommy were in the living room and he says to her 'Mommy is Evan a nice guy?'. She was a little confused so she asked 'Evan? Who's Evan?'. He said 'You know, Brutus went to Evan after he died?'.

We were coming back from southern Saskatchewan in the car, following some slowpokes and we were grumbling etc. as usual. We finally caught up to the culprit, a lady with a temporary spare on, so I said "OH that lady is driving with a donut on". I hear this cackling from the back seat, Xavier says "That lady didn't buy a tire, she went to a restaurant and got a donut?" and he laughs some more. A few days later he was recalling the story to his buddies and laughing again.

Zzzzz

Your Deadly Sins

Sloth: 80%

Lust: 40%

Pride: 20%

Wrath: 20%

Envy: 0%

Gluttony: 0%

Greed: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 23%

You will die while sleeping - and no one will notice.

snort Huh? Zzzzz

Rationalize it!

Blitzen!

You Are Blitzen

Always in good spirits, you're the reindeer who loves to party down with Santa. Why You're Naughty: You're always blitzed on Christmas Eve, while flying! Why You're Nice: You mix up a mean eggnog martini.

Via Your Moosey Fate

I'm gonna sue ya!

I love Weird Al, he just keeps getting better.

Found this on Rambling Rhodes

Demon-Americans

Why is this game so funny?

I've been playing this game for awhile and I laugh and laugh everytime the dude slams up against the frozen ice wall. Try it out, it's stupidly addicting.

Mmmmm... Coffee...

You Are an Espresso

At your best, you are: straight shooting, ambitious, and energetic At your worst, you are: anxious and high strung You drink coffee when: anytime you're not sleeping Your caffeine addiction level: high

Oh the days of yore

I don't actually believe anyone could live up to these standards without exploding, or at least the throbbing vein in their head bursting.

Am I evil? Well not entirely

So I'm joining in with a Meme that Paul created, it's basically a "what would you do if..." and pretty much deals with etiquette and your conscious. I edited some of the colour words just because I'm a wuss.

1. You’re f#$%ing with your iPod and slam your car into some other poor bastard’s in the parking lot of the liquor store. No one sees you and the owner of the other car is nowhere in sight. What do you do?

a. Leave a note with your contact info
b. Leave a note with your bosses contact info
c. F#$%ing flee

Depends, if it's a little tiny mark I'm outta there, but if I did anything noticeable I'd leave a contact note.

2. You’re a guest in someone’s home for a dinner party. You excuse yourself to the restroom during dinner and have an episode of explosive diarrhea. Before you leave the bathroom you:

a. Spray that can of flowery stuff that doesn’t fool anyone
b. Just leave the room smelling like a chemical fire

I don't believe in that flowery stuff, I think it actually attaches itself to the stench molecules and creates a flowery stink that stays around much longer than your fecal odor

3. You’re sitting at a traffic light thinking about your sad, mundane life. You witness a minor traffic accident where no one is injured but plenty of damage is sustained to both vehicles. You clearly saw who was at fault. When the light turns green, you:

a. Pull over to give a statement when the cops come
b. Report the accident on your cell phone
c. Just drive the f$%# away

This depends on how late I am for work, and how many other people seem to be stopping and helping. If I'm late and no-one is stopping I would, but if there was even one person pulling over... vamoose!

4. You and several friends stop to pick up another friend on the way to a party. Your friend comes out wearing something that makes them look ridiculous, like a transvestite or you can clearly see a naughty bit sticking out somewhere. Do you:

a. Tell them right away, even though they may be embarrassed
b. Wait to see if someone else says something
c. Point it out to everyone at the party

I would probably enjoy the humor/partial nudity for a bit and then tell them fairly soon, if there was an opening in conversation

5. You’re sitting in the conference room awaiting the start of a meeting. Six people are in attendance. Just as the handouts are coming around you hear audible flatulence, loud enough to be heard by everyone and certainly unmistakable. Do you:

a. Lower your eyes and say nothing
b. Laugh or make a joke
c. Say, “Who the f$#% was that?”

I would probably make a joke, get looked at like I'm a complete ass, and reinforce my status as goofy putz in the company.

6. You are on your way to the store. Your wife/husband/other asks you to get them something. Due to your own inability to either listen or think about anyone but yourself, you forget. When you come home, you:

a. Tell them you forgot
b. Lie and tell them you couldn’t find it/any

This happens at least once a week and I usually say I forgot, because truthfully enough ... I do!

6.5 When they ask you, “Did you ask someone who works there?” You:

a. Say, “No, I never thought of that.”
b. Lie and say, “Yeah, they said they were all out.”

She also asks this regularly and for some reason I never DO think of that...

Yo

Graffiti Generator

Ok, I think this is extra funny because I am so white I'm almost see-thru.

sniff, why?

I struggle every day with the reasons I'm not popular (no I don't) and every day I think "Why oh god? Why am I such a pathetic nobody? Why does almost no one read this blog I sweat blood over?" (slack infinitely over, more like).

Anyways, if I was the type to be this way I may take offense to gapingvoid: top ten reasons why nobody reads your blog, instead I laugh and cry and laugh. Oh, and watch out for the link to the naked lady blog, it really IS naked ladies... and lots of them.

Here's a quick clip:

4. A secret cabal of A-Listers got together and decided that you should be excluded from the conversation.

Yeah, they sit around sipping champagne, eating caviar and laughing about you.

5. You have nothing to say.

The fact that you haven't figured this out yet surprises everyone.

Best Blonde Joke Evah!!

Damn, I don't usually laugh at blonde jokes but THIS ONE is great.

Amazing discovery

The Sneeze has discovered something amazingTHe Wonder Twins may have invented the knuckle dap.(The knocking of fists together as a greeting, or form of respect.)

Apparently bad for you

So apparently Smoking is bad for you. Perhaps that will be my new catch phrase in conversations.

It's all about what Dave needs

I found a fun Google game to play over at "It's all about De". You do a Google search for Your Name and then the word needs.

I pulled out the following:

Dave needs a Timeout (well that's kind of a given)

Dave needs some advice (doesn't anybody?)

Dave needs help walking through doors (umm... not quite yet, only when I'm right drunked)

I think Dave needs a vacation (now THAT's the best friggin thing I've heard this week, on that note...)

Dave needs your financial support

I'll stop on that high note... it's fun, you try it!

She just squeezed this out...

I .. ahhm.. yessss.. uhhh.. er.... CLICK BELOW.

The Sneeze "Eat me"
A small salute to mascots who serve up their own...

Always scheming

Tuesday night at supper everything was pretty normal, other than X-man was being difficult when it came to eating "just 2 more bites" and "just 1 more bite" and "You can't have ice cream unless you take 2 more bites". He'd take 2 more bites, then pull them out and the final straw was when he threw them on the floor. I took him into his room to bed for a time-out (which works great for him btw) for about 3 minutes, they say you're supposed to use 1 minute per year of age.

Xavier came out all apologetic, saying he'd finish supper (which we never pushed him on), and began playing with some toy or another. About an hour or so later he stand up, looks at Mommy and says "If I pee in the potty do I get ice cream?", Mommy says "Yes" of course. He's in the midst of some difficult potty training times, and bribery seems to be the only way to get him to do it. He proceeds to take off his pull-ups, sit on the potty, and about 3 minutes later says "I pee'd", and "Go see". So I get up and sure enough there's about 3 drops in the potty. We're congratulatory, etc. and I get the ice cream ready, all the while trying not to laugh and laugh, realizing we've been had. The little bugger was probably planning it the whole time he was playing with his toys. We're in for some interesting times ahead.

Hey Crackhead

YOU ARE A CRACKHEAD. WHY DON'T YOU OWN A CRACKPIPE?

Hmmmm

I don't know what to say

Edit: Oh, maybe this is a good time to post a Too Much Coffee Man comic.

Comedian Dave

I wish that I could be as easily amused as a 2 year old.

Yesterday we were all sitting in the living room, Xavier was fooling around on the couch so I grabbed his baseball cap (which says "No Fear" on it, perfect, no?), I put it on my own head and made a goofy face. Oh my lord you would have thought I was Jerry Lewis in Paris the response I got: Xavier started cackling, falling backwards, laughing and laughing and laughing, of course once he starts he has a very infectous laugh, so we started laughing. Family fun for the price of a hat that's too small for my head.

What does your Birthday mean?

Your Birthdate: July 14

With a birthday on the 14th of the month (5 energy) you are inclined to work well with people and enjoy them. You are talented and versatile, very good at presenting ideas, and you are also very good at organization and systematizing. You may have a tendency to get itchy feet at times and need change and travel. You tend to be very progressive, imaginative and adaptable. Your mind is quick, clever and analytical. A restlessness in your nature may make you a bit impatient and easily bored with routine, and rebel against it. You have a tendency to shirk responsibility.

I is Abner! Well tan mah hide!

The Dialectizer, always funny.

ah write hyar t'communicate
t'mah friends, mah fambly, mahse'f.

I liked you better before you sold out

Just because this guy hates blogs so much, and he's bloody funny, I'm posting a link to him: If these words were people, I would embrace their genocide.

Blogging: If minds had anuses, blogging would be what your mind would do when it had to take a dump.

I love it, I think blogs died inside when the first person wrote "I've got a blog! Isn't it so neat?!". And then some other enterprising folks started blog hosting companies, free venues and so easy that someone with only a quarter of their brain left after all the crack they smoked could post.

Oh I forgot to mention I found this over at HiHat's place

Dig it

This is a great idea, I'm going to do it this weekend

Tarpops and other treats

Some bits of things that Xavier has done to make me laugh lately:

A couple of days ago I was asking him what he wanted for supper, he wanted what he called "Tarpops", I pondered for a second, asked him again, same response, Tarpops. Ok, I thought for a bit , tried asking him "Is it .." for a few things that I knew he liked, or that sounded similar and no, none of them were Tarpops. Ok.

I picked him up and he looked in the fridge "hmmm" he says, with his hand on his chin... (I chuckled a little, he's such a mimic), nothing peaked his interest. I put him down asked him what tarpops were, he looks at me as if I'm partially retarded and says "Tarpops!".

Fine, I'll figure it out, asked mommy she didn't know. I went to cooking supper and after a bit it came to me, so I asked him "Pork chops?". "Yes!" he says "Tarpops!". I laughed a little, and I could hear mommy laughing hysterically from the bedroom.

Sometimes he's such a serious kid even though he's only 2 1/2 now,

X-man (very seriously): Mommy?
Mommy: yes?
X-man: Change bum. (nodding)
Mommy: You need your bum changed?
X-man: Yes, come on. *grabs her hand*

And he's on to our tricks too. When he was sick last we tried so many different ways (I can't count them) to get him to take his cold medicine. On the penulimate attempt at giving him the tablet we tried replacing his vitamin with the medicine.

X-man I told you I don't Yike! *shudders* (after I popped a bit into his mouth and he chewed it a bit)
X-man: You can't fool me, I don't yike.

Can't ... Breathe... too... funny...

I almost fell off my comfy chair today reading this post from Accordion Guy, apparently someone redid "United States of Whatever" morphing it into "United States of NOOOOOOO" (ala SW Episode 3)

*cough* *sputter*

No, I'm right.

Here's my take on intolerant religious fanatics (disregard the exclamations, they sort of take away from the humor)

Build your own Meat comic

Oh I forgot to mention I got to this great site ala Norbizness

I'm going to die like Al Bundy!

Your Deadly Sins

Sloth: 60%

Wrath: 60%

Lust: 40%

Gluttony: 20%

Greed: 20%

Envy: 0%

Pride: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 29%

You will die with your hand down your underwear, watching Star Trek.

You fight! You fight now!

Ok, we all knew I was aligned with the dark side... this just confirms it.

oorgo.mu.nu is a Giant Robot that Expands when Attacked, can Fly, and is Covered in Bumps and Nodules and in League with Dark Forces. Strength: 7 Agility: 6 Intelligence: 10 To see if your Giant Battle Monster can defeat oorgo.mu.nu, enter your name and choose an attack: fights oorgo.mu.nu using Strength Agility Intelligence

Fire in the Hole!

I almost keeled over here at work reading this, I would suggest starting at Part I and continue through the whole saga. Paul and his exploding colon. He seems to be back and funnier than ever.

Sanity's Edge: A little trouble in big Tokyo: Part III

Jenny Turpish Slapped Me: Quizzes

Jenny Turpish Slapped Me: Quizzes - Better Personality

Wackiness: 40/100
Rationality: 42/100
Constructiveness: 48/100
Leadership: 66/100

You are a SEDL--Sober Emotional Destructive Leader. This makes you a Dictator.

You prefer to control situations, and lack of control makes you physically sick. You feel have responsibility for everyone's welfare, and that you will be blamed when things go wrong. Things do go wrong, and you take it harder than you should.

You rely on the validation and support of others, but you have a secret distrust for people and distaste for their habits and weaknesses that make you keep your distance from them. This makes you very difficult to be with romantically. Still, a level-headed peacemaker can keep you balanced.

Despite your fierce temper and general hot-bloodedness, you have a soft spot for animals and a surprising passion for the arts. Sometimes you would almost rather live by your wits in the wilderness somewhere, if you could bring your books and your sketchbook.

You also have a strange, undeniable sexiness to you. You may go insane.

Of the 54776 people who have taken this quiz since tracking began (8/17/2004), 5.4 % are this type.

Which Monty Python Sketch Character are you?

You are the Abuse Clerk! You dish out verbal (and
some physical!) abuse all day long...as long as
the customer keeps payin'! Aaah...such
satisfying work!


What Monty Python Sketch Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

A Crazy Dream

This comic was written before the election but still applies, it's like he has some sort of psychic powers.

Funny X-man bit

Had to blog this before I forget about it, today I was showing Xavier how he could put his little drum around his neck and play it. He insisted on only playing with one hand, so picked up the other stick and played with him. He mutters, gives me this look, looks around a bit, spots a ball, grabs it and gives it to me. As if to say "Here, play with this nice ball, I'm playing with the drum". He was happy when I left him to the drum, and I had a hard time not laughing hard.

He's also taken to the bate and switch thing ( I believe that's what it's called) at an early age . Today he wanted me to sit on the floor at a certain spot so we could play ball; he told me this by going to the spot croutching down and patting the floor. I instead went and sat over where he had been. He looks at me, goes walking into the kitchen (where he's not allowed), once I got into the kitchen all the way telling him to "get out" he turned around, left the kitchen (too easily) and proceeded to go sit where he had been.

He's going to be 2 in November. This kid is going to rule the playground, in a subliminal way, they won't even know what hit them.

My Bio

I was asked at work to make up a bio at work, here's what I came up with :

Dave moved to Edmonton from St. Paul at 19, with dreams of prostitutes and keggers. Later on he found out he would have to work, which bummed him out. He finally gave in and went to Grant MacEwan and took music. Of course after finding no work, and existing off of spoiled ham, Dave resorted to working with his nemesis: Computers. Dave joined a slaveship for 2 ½ years, chained to a desk and a phone and brow beaten into submission, finally escaping there to join his current employer, and has been happy ever since.

Li'l Brudder

Strongbad's email kill me. It's a new one, you must read it.

And after that, read about how Catwoman bombed at the theatres

I don't have much to talk about right now... and work is F'n busy

My TV is Broken

Boy on a Stick and Slither once again kicks ass

Amazon.com Knee-Jerk Contrarian Game

Came upon this through Norbizness.com

Amazon.com Knee-Jerk Contrarian Game

Here's a fun game... First, look up the most popular and critically-acclaimed books, movies, and music on Amazon. Click on "Customer Reviews," and sort them by "Lowest Rating First." Hilarity ensues! It's the Amazon.com Knee-Jerk Contrarian Game!

Warning! Warning!

UCAUTION

IN THE INTEREST OF SAFETY IT IS ADVISABLE TO KEEP OORGO AWAY FROM FIRE AND FLAMES.

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

I think that's a pretty accurate warning in my case

Stress Relievers

Stolen from Screaming Midget Magazine

New and relaxing work benefits

Here Comes a Huge...

{valleygirlspeak} Ohmygodohmygod you seriously have to check out Achewood today.{/valleygirlspeak}

Get it Now! Only from AmeriCo!

Ok, I love the AmerCo pic, but I had to shrink it, it's just to big... if you want to view it you can Click Here

Daddy-O

I love BOASAS

hee hee

Make you Stronger
Slavery

Actually to hell with it.. just go to their site
www.boasas.com

I know... I know... you all know about the site, you just need a bit of reminding!! :)