April 25, 2006

Some slight pulling and tugging

I'm officially neutered, sterilized, whatever you want to call it. It really felt like a spay clinic in the dayward of the hospital, you walk in and there are a bunch of guys sitting around trying to not make eye contact or laughing nervously, and then watching with big eyes the victims..er ... patients try to hobble all nonchalant. If you've ever dropped your pet off at a spay clinic you'll know what I mean.

I have a couple of tips for those planning about going under the knife:

  1. Don't believe them when they say it doesn't hurt, or all you will feel are some tugs and pulls. Not if you apparently need more anesthetic than most, and they miss an area. One word: Cauterization. It felt like somebody plugged a 9 volt battery onto one of my boys: electric shooting pain.
  2. Have someone drive you there and back, and make sure that someone knows on the way back NOT to drive like he's in a rally car race.
  3. Follow the instruction for pre-op. If they say shave the area, shave the friggin area. You really don't want some grumpy bitch in scrubs taking a hoe to your private parts, the one who did mine apparently thought she was working in the friggin garden or scraping of her windshield.
  4. Be on time, or the above nurse will be even grumpier.
  5. Continually remind yourself the following: "My wife pushed a friggin canteloupe sized head out of her crotch, this is the least I can do" for me I thought "C-section". Of course this won't help with the pain, but it will distract you temporarily.
  6. Afterward, peas and (surprisingly) frozen bagged cooked pasta are your best friend. Put them on, keep them on, just do it, the next day you'll thank me.
  7. Don't sit on your ass all day afterwards it will just make it worse. Get up and walk around, not too too much, but the boys need their adjustments and exercise.

I swear to everything that's unholy, if I have a shaver handy and I see that nurse... she's gettin' it right back. Apparently once you're 50ish you can completely forget caring for the patient and just treat them like they have no pain receptors. I'm pretty sure the shaving will bug me longer than the incision.

Posted by Oorgo at April 25, 2006 11:30 AM Permalink - Category: Things | TrackBack

Now you are scaring me.

I hope you feel better soon.

Posted by: RP at April 25, 2006 03:56 PM

I picked the wrong time to visit your blog. {shuddering on the floor in the fetal position}

Posted by: aguy at April 25, 2006 04:17 PM

Sorry RP

This is the second day and it seems to be way better, I only took tylenol this morning and no frozen goods. I'm quite amazed at how quickly it's progressing.

I also think I'm a bit of an oddity, he seemed surprised when I chirped up that it hurt :)

And just think of the final goal..... whenever you can wherever you can...

Thanks for the well wishes.

Posted by: Oorgo at April 25, 2006 05:11 PM

Good Christ!

Posted by: Paul at April 26, 2006 06:53 AM


Posted by: shank at April 26, 2006 08:16 AM

When I got mine done, the anasthetic worked fine. The only part that made me twitchy was when he did the cauterizations, and the little wisps of smoke came floating up...

Posted by: Harvey at April 26, 2006 08:18 AM

Thank you for trying to cheer me up there, my friend. You'll be happy to know that it almost worked!

Posted by: RP at April 26, 2006 01:12 PM

Oh for the love of all that's holy! Suck it up you bunch of wimps!

Posted by: Moodie at April 27, 2006 01:31 AM

Apparently the above mentioned nurse found my blog and figured out how to post comments


Posted by: Oorgo at April 27, 2006 10:21 AM

And I just read yesterday there is a male'pill' in the works. I'm sorry but no one is taking a knife anywhere near my 'boys'

Posted by: Dr Pants at April 30, 2006 03:10 PM
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