Oorgo

Some slight pulling and tugging

I'm officially neutered, sterilized, whatever you want to call it. It really felt like a spay clinic in the dayward of the hospital, you walk in and there are a bunch of guys sitting around trying to not make eye contact or laughing nervously, and then watching with big eyes the victims..er ... patients try to hobble all nonchalant. If you've ever dropped your pet off at a spay clinic you'll know what I mean.

I have a couple of tips for those planning about going under the knife:

1. Don't believe them when they say it doesn't hurt, or all you will feel are some tugs and pulls. Not if you apparently need more anesthetic than most, and they miss an area. One word: Cauterization. It felt like somebody plugged a 9 volt battery onto one of my boys: electric shooting pain.
2. Have someone drive you there and back, and make sure that someone knows on the way back NOT to drive like he's in a rally car race.
3. Follow the instruction for pre-op. If they say shave the area, shave the friggin area. You really don't want some grumpy bitch in scrubs taking a hoe to your private parts, the one who did mine apparently thought she was working in the friggin garden or scraping of her windshield.
4. Be on time, or the above nurse will be even grumpier.
5. Continually remind yourself the following: "My wife pushed a friggin canteloupe sized head out of her crotch, this is the least I can do" for me I thought "C-section". Of course this won't help with the pain, but it will distract you temporarily.
6. Afterward, peas and (surprisingly) frozen bagged cooked pasta are your best friend. Put them on, keep them on, just do it, the next day you'll thank me.
7. Don't sit on your ass all day afterwards it will just make it worse. Get up and walk around, not too too much, but the boys need their adjustments and exercise.

I swear to everything that's unholy, if I have a shaver handy and I see that nurse... she's gettin' it right back. Apparently once you're 50ish you can completely forget caring for the patient and just treat them like they have no pain receptors. I'm pretty sure the shaving will bug me longer than the incision.