May 27, 2008

Hi, My Name is Dave and I'm an Addict

I'm addicted to music. And Coffee. And video games that deal with D&D/Space/Fantasy... anything where grinding is involved and I can get into an emotional attachment to my character. Oh and sex.. yeah sex... that's the good stuff.

My music addiction is a funny one, it sits in the background, in the depths of my psyche, not being obvious until I haven't been practicing for a while. It comes on gradually: a day or 2 is fine but much past that I start getting owly, lashing out for no good reason and then gradually drifting into depressed. If it goes on too long it will get more and more difficult to pull out of the funk, I will have to actually perform somewhere, or play with someone else to jolt my system. Even worse is if I AM practicing but have no venue or ability to perform, like when I was living at home in St. Paul after college for a year.

Coffee? Well yeah, it's an addiction that I don't like to admit: chemical addiction to caffeine. I go w/o coffee until 1 or 2 pm and I start getting a nasty headache that nothing will fix, not tylenol, ibuprofen, codeine, nothing but coffee. Even coke doesn't have the fix in it enough to ease the pain.

Gaming? Well that's pretty obvious to most that have read any posts here. Escape into a world where I have kickass powers and no worries about everyday things like bills, bill collectors, housework, yardwork, world issues. I can maim and slaughter or sneak and stab, let out that pent up aggression. But gaming leads to the shame spiral. You play for a couple hours, it feels good until you stop and realize you spent 2 hours and did nothing of any real benefit to anyone. In fact you wasted 2 hours that you could have spent doing something that would give you positive feedback from say: your family, your own self (i.e. cleaning), your peers (practicing/working on your trade). So then the next time you play you are hiding from the stuff you should have done last time, and once again it's fun while it lasts, but the guilt just keeps getting worse, and pretty soon the self-loathing come into play, along with lowered self-esteem. I have stopped this futile practice, it has cost me years of my life.

Sex addiction? Well maybe that's just not getting enough... oh wait... no I didn't say that... I did NOT say that... if any one asks, it was not me.

Why did I make this post? I don't know... maybe I'm happy I've bypassed an addiction, blocked it at the root, squashed it into the dark recesses. Maybe I posted this because I know others doing the same thing right now, existing without improving. Hiding from their problems with a fake sword and a powerful spell, or a gun and a car, or a spaceship and a corporation of like-minded folk.

Posted by Oorgo - Permalink - Category: Ponderings | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 05, 2008


When you get married and have decide, or accidentally have a child, then 3 more children, shouldn't (and I know this sounds a little far fetched) you're priorities lie with those children? As a parent isn't it a major goal that your children get a quality education, upbringing, a home that resembles stability and loving attention? Apparently not to my sister-in-law.

My sister-in-law got pregnant before getting married at a fairly young age and apparently did not sample enough fruit so now after 4 kids ranging from ages 12 to 4 she's blinked and that all is a distant memory, she's getting divorced, already has a full-time boyfriend and is using her husband as a baby sitter while she fools around on him.

Back in November I started to wonder, because she went on this crash diet where she can only eat certain things and she gets shots of b12 once a month. I thought to myself 'Why now? What's so different and urgent to lose weight so quickly?'. We found out pretty soon why, she asked her husband for a divorce I think it was 3 months later. So she thinks she looks hot now so she can lure another unsuspecting prey into paying for her extravagant needs.

Not even a month after the divorce proceedings started she was talking about going clubbing, bar crawls, she went on a singles ski retreat for the weekend. All the while her husband and mother are looking after the kids, her mother has enabled this the whole time, taking the kids on a brief notice for days because "She needs this" "It's pedicure day, or Spa Day" ... ffs.

It just keeps getting better though, last weekend she brought her new boyfriend, with the kids, up to meet her Dad for the day. 8 hrs of driving in 1 day, most likely because they had some party to go to, or some 'Alone time' at his apartment.

Yesterday we went over to her mothers for a birthday party, she was dressed as if she hadn't gotten home, still in a black night-club dress, makeup etc. She probably went home, picked up the kids and went to her moms. It's a family gathering, most the people were there in blue jeans and t-shirts.

I can't understand how anyone could be so selfish, her excuse for divorce? "He's been talking to a woman online and compared me to her". Seriously, that was her excuse, really it was, I'm not kidding.

I want to meet the man that is willing to take on 4 children and a high maintenance woman. I think her little fairytale is going to burst soon, reality will appear, kick her in the ass, or hopefully her husband will grow some and take the kids away. I know one thing, her mother would never say anything, she can do no wrong and besides, in her mother's words "Every thing's fine, she'll be fine, it'll be all fine".

Posted by Oorgo - Permalink - Category: Rant | Comments (2) | TrackBack