Oorgo

Freak In

Random Pensées made me recall some of my younger years, especially around my college days.

When I was younger I used to try to scare myself into doing things because I knew I'd just procrastinate if left to my own will. I'd imagine the absolute worse thing happening if I didn't do , and picture in my head the day that it had to be done. Usually when the day came up I'd have this awful gnawing in my gut telling me I had to do something important. Sometimes I'd remember, sometimes not. (Oh, btw I did have a daytimer too, it does no good if you don't use it). If I didn't remember I'd beat myself up about it for awhile.

This wasn't a good plan. Unfortunately as I got older I'd immediately panic thinking I'd missed something significant, and many times I'd lay in bed at night imagining the worst scenarios possible.

Somewhere along the way I think something broke, so many things were freaking me out so many of the time that I stopped, dead.

After Tristan was born, many things were also put in perspective. I realized that life was more important, and my family was more important than paying all my bills on time even if I couldn't afford them. Xavier reinforced these ideas, with his incredibly strong lust for life, and will to thrive despite all odds has amazed me thoroughly.

Manageable debt dodging, that's my current goal. If I get only one call from a utility company a month my goal is obtained. Sure I'm paying penalties, but we can still eat and drive to work every day, this is the core goal.

Posted by Oorgo at September 28, 2004 12:26 PM