Oorgo

One step closer to the edge

So lately I've been very grumpy, to the point of snapping, and I don't know why. It really came to a head yesterday when I was at the Safeway pharmacy picking up some tylenol with codeine, the pharmacist was asking me the inane questions they always do, and I had a quick flash of myself winding up and smoking him in the face. The same thing happened at a gig a couple weeks ago, the sound guy was saying some shit about how the monitors couldn't be configured bla bla bla. He was at foot level and I felt the sudden urge to kick him in the teeth. Damn, and it was a strong urge, I could actually imagine my foot bustin off a couple of his chompers.

I'm truthfully not a violent person, I've been thinking that the cumulation of the past few years of loss, suffering and poverty have done something to my patience and tolerance. Maybe it's the reverse, maybe the fact that there's nothing wrong with my life right now: I've got a good job that I'm happy with, my son is amazing and thriving, my wife is great, she is coping with her depression and being very positive. Maybe I'm expecting another hammer to fall, another spike in the heart, or another exorbitant cost that breaks my finances.

I found a good site, maybe I'll follow their instructions and take them to heart: Tools for Handling Loss: Anger Workout